I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
