did you get engaged???
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
