Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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