How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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