Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
