You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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