we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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