Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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