how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
