and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
