No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
