You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
