look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My ass is underappreciated
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
