i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
