I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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