If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
so much tequila, so little girl.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
