He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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