You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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