I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
