Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
