btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
In America we eat man semen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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