chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
