I wish my penis had an off switch
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
