i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
