I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
try to milk me bitch
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