I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
