I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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