you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
