I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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