It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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