Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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