you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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