Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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