Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
