Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
