I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
