Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
