IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Even my vagina gasped.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
