We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
