So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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