i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
