it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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