if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
