I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
