it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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