Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
