haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
