Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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