everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I see more hoeing in ur future
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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