I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
